she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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