then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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