Umm I'm too high to move.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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