You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize