It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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