What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
