so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All the doctor said was why
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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