you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
