My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize