The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
