i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
