My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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