Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
