yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
