it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
