I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
