i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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