We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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