i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Farmville is her only friend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
