I cockslap morals
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i need some magic done to my vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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