When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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