I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
