His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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