i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't turn off my feet"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
