They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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