I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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