Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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