I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
