pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
