apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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