Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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