Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
