Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
