I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
