youre lurking in front of me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
