Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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