i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize