when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
