i need an iv and a liver transplant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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