so explain again why im purple
no
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
