And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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