i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize