"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
