i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize