Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
