you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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