So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
