People with herpes should wear stickers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
