its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
