dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
