I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize