Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
