Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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