i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
