Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We need to get me chipped asap
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
