there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
