I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
