Are we in a gay sports bar?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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