I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
