im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
