If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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