barbara walters just said penis...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
