Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
