How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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