Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
