You smell like a Billy Joel song
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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