Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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