The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
