I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
