Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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