He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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