you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
