i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
