okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
