I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize