If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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