I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
