you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
