so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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