Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Couch. On fire.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
