hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
