just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
