he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
