i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
