Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
