Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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