I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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