Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
