I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you never un-have a 4some
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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