I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
