She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
