Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
