I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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